Lessons on Stress

Students of all ages are stressed out over many areas. It is...

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:45:25 -0400

Students of all ages are stressed out over many areas. It is all relative too. What may mean very little to a high school student, may overwhelm a middle school student. Parents must try to have empathy for their children when they are worried about anything, even when it does not seem like a big deal to them.

What Stresses Students Out?

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:42:00 -0400

What is stress? It is this feeling that you have when there are all kinds of challenges and things happening to you at the same time. It may come from different things that you are up against and if will affect both your mind and your body.

The things that stress teens out the most are school work, parents, friends’ problems, social relationships. On top of that, for teens, drugs in the neighborhood was a high stressor and for younger kids they name siblings as a stressor.

It is interesting how girls and boys try to cope with stress. Boys more often use avoidance and distraction while girls tend to look for support and will try to actively reduce their stress. Girls are more likely to find their stress coming from relationships and boys from authority figures.

Both sets of individuals use avoidance to some degree while more and more are seeing their stressed displayed with anger and aggression. Finding healthy ways of dealing with stress is very important to the health, both physical and mental for our young adults. While a certain amount of short term stress can be good, the long term - day in and day out feelings of stress, worry and anxiety are not healthy in any way.

What are your top 5 stressors?

Stress can get to us in many ways. What does it feel like to...

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:13:00 -0400

Stress can get to us in many ways. What does it feel like to you?

Stress: What Does It Feel Like?

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:12:22 -0400

Fear and stress many times feel the exact same way. The reason is that both are affected by that Fight or Flight mentality. Every teen has had the challenges that range from the big test next week, to the disagreement (major fight) with your parents. It may have been a lost cell phone or the kid that is constantly picking on you in school. It could be worry about your weight or health or something global like the environment or worldwide starvation.

When you are really stressed out and anxious, you may feel it in your heart, your hands or feet getting colder, headache or a rush of blood to your face, your stomach feeling upset or having butterflies in your stomach. All of these manifestations mean it is time for you to slow down, because as you continue with the load of stressful situations facing you, you are losing physical energy and the ability of thinking clearly.

In the end it is found that 60% of doctor visits are for stressed related problems. Some studies have shown that 85% of diseases have stress related factors. So we need to take care of ourselves and start with finding what is effective for us to calm down and cope with our stress.

How do you cope with your stress?

Ever felt like this? I have too, and sometimes it is just the...

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:09:00 -0400

Ever felt like this? I have too, and sometimes it is just the opposite, when I just want to go in the corner and hide from the world. Before you get this far though, there are signs that you or your friend is getting stressed out!

Recognizing the Signs That You May Be Stressed

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:07:02 -0400

Everyone of us, teens or adults have felt our body and mind react to stress. Some people will tell you that they hold it in and keep their feelings to themselves, while others wear their feelings on their sleeves. Either way we know when we are stressed out.

While there are some things that seems to stress everyone out, there may be things that stress you out and not another person. Some may be stressed out about political subjects or environmental issues while another may not even think about them. Some have a lot of drama in their life or are stressed by circumstances that are surrounding them. No matter what we personally stress about, when we are in the worst of the moment we feel it in our body and mind.

Our reactions to being overwhelmed and anxious may appear differently on the outside to others. Here are some ways you may be able to recognized stress in yourself or in one of your friends or family.

1. Feeling or acting out in anger. If you find yourself snapping at others, getting in arguments with those around you. If you have a friend that starts acting this way, they may be stressed out.
2. Sleep patterns. Either not being able to sleep or wanting to sleep all the time, either way is your body telling you that something is wrong and stress may be a part of the issue.
3. Health problems. If all of a sudden you are getting headaches, stomach problems or colds that may be a sign of stress. I knew a young girl who lost her father who developed an acute case of cholitis. It was real but came on due to stress.
4. Withdrawal from others. If you or a friend starts withdrawing from friends and or family and wants to be alone, they may be really feeling overwhelmed. Or they may withdraw from important responsibilities to play games, be on the internet, watch TV or other escapist behaviors and may be seeming to have fun – but if they may also be avoiding something due to stress
5. Overwhelmed feelings. These feelings of being overwhelmed and anxious may lead to panic attacks or feeling constantly on edge. Sometimes the feelings may manifest themselves with crying for no apparent reason or just being sad.
6. Using drugs, alcohol, or smoking. If someone takes these habits up it may be a signal that something more is going on and stress may be a part of that.
7. Feelings of depression. Stress can lead to feeling hopeless, useless and like there is no way out. Sometimes this can lead to a person hurting themselves and may be manifested in cutting or the use of drugs or alcohol and can lead to a person having thoughts of ending their life in suicide.

These are all signals that you or your friend needs help and support from those that care and love you. If you have seen this in yourself or in others it would be kind to do the following for yourself or your friend.

Talk or Question:

Am I feeling overwhelmed, anxious upset or stressed out?
How is this feeling affecting me or my friend?
How are the feelings affecting my relationships with those important to me?

Persuade yourself to take action:

If you are feeling this way and can talk to someone who can support you and help Do So.
If you have a friend that is going through this be there for them.
Encourage them to seek help from those that care about them. It may be a family member or it could be a teacher or counselor.

Refer yourself or the other person to an adult.

You may not feel qualified to really help the other person. But you may be able to help them find someone that they trust and can talk to. Do not be afraid to express yourself to their parents or other family member about your concern. Stress can be debilitating and getting help can give us the support and strength we need to get over this hump.

Recognizing the signs of stress is the first step in relieving the symptoms and getting to and solving the root issues. Do it for yourself – Be there for your friends and family – Help yourself and others get back on the track of a healthy life.

All of us need some stress management techniques. We all have...

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:02:14 -0400

All of us need some stress management techniques. We all have them, but some do more harm than good.

Coping with Stress: How Do You Cope?

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 10:00:01 -0400

Trying to stay on top of everything that we have going on in our lives can bring that stress that we have up to a level that feels more than just challenging. We can start to lose our physical energy, our sharpness for thinking and very generally lose our edge. Many of the illnesses and diseases that are prevalent today are said to be furthered and worsened by stress. How do we deal with our stress?

There are many coping strategies that are used and usually we find one that fits our personality or one that we can be comfortable with and we use it to the max. These are short term ways of dealing with the real issues and while they can help short term, may actually make things worse long term.

Distraction – Or, I’ll deal with it later
Distractions are about taking breaks and doing something else for a little while. This can help you be more focused when you return, but the danger is the more you put it off with other activities, the more stressed you may become as your time to completion gets shorter.

Avoidance – Or, I might deal with it …sometime
Avoidance is like distractions on steroids. There can be so much avoidance that each act of avoidance takes up more and more time and this leads to a vicious circle of behavior. But there are all sorts of ways that we may be avoiding dealing with our feelings of stress, from illness and sleep to over-achievement or procrastination. We will discuss in more detail later.

Escape – Or, I don’t want to deal with it…ever.
Escaping is the most dangerous of the ways we may try to cope and many times this will come after dealing with it with distraction and avoidance. Some may try to escape with the use of drugs, dropping out, lying to others, even to the point of injuring themselves of attempting suicide. Escapism only compounds the problems and we still have not looked at solving the underlying issues of our stress.

No matter our age, in elementary or high school, in college or on the job, what we really need is some stress management techniques. I hope to share some with you in the coming weeks, as I study this subject both for myself and all of our students.

Distractions come in a variety of ways. They are not good or...

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 09:57:00 -0400

Distractions come in a variety of ways. They are not good or bad, but we have to be aware when they stop rejuvenating us and become a way of procrastinating.

Coping with Stress Part 1: Using Distractions

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 09:36:29 -0400

In our last report on stress we talked about the 3 different ways that some of us cope with stress in our lives. They were distraction, avoidance and escapism. Each of them get progressively more harmful to the person practicing them. However to some degree the use of distraction can offer short term relaxation and can prove to be helpful, as long as it does not get out of control.

Distraction might be a short break to take a walk, bike ride, physical exercise, reading or other short term activity that gets our mind off the pressure at hand. The only problem with it is that the breaks can get longer or too many of them and that only leads to not getting the work done and more stress. Unless we control the distraction as a coping tool it could lead to avoiding the problems all together.

We have to be careful that we are not just using distraction as a means of procrastination. In the end we still have the same work to do, the same reports to write, and the same problems to deal with, except now we have a little less time. The signs of avoidance in my next report.

The ways we find to avoid the things causing our anxiety feel...

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 09:30:00 -0400

The ways we find to avoid the things causing our anxiety feel great for the moment - but then we still have all those things to do anyway.

Coping with Stress: Avoidance As Coping Tool

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 09:10:33 -0400

One level higher than distraction for coping with stress is AVOIDANCE. As one 14 year old said, “when I don’t want to do something, I go online.” That is probably true for a number of adults too. We can get lost in the online world and even have an excuse saying we are doing research or something else.

When it comes to the higher level of avoidance, procrastination is very high on the list of common ways of putting off something that we do not want to face. Using procrastination on projects, studying or deadlines may be a sign of not wanting to deal with real problems or emotions, and we may find ourselves living with high levels of high anxiety.

Some use sickness as an avoidance strategy. In the USA over 160,000 students miss school, many times using sickness as the excuse to avoid bullies at school. It is not that the illness, stomachache, headache, muscle pain or a whole slew of sympton’s are not real – but the root cause may be stress about something deeper that needs to be dealt with that we are avoiding.

Others use sleep as a way of avoiding stressful situations and challenges. There is no doubt that when we are rested we can do a better job of facing our work, but if we are spending over 12 hours in bed or not leaving our bed on the weekend, it could be a sign of avoiding something. One thing for sure is that sleep will not solve deeper challenges.

But here is the surprise avoidance tactic of all, being super involved and overachieving to overcome negative feelings. Staying busy with many clubs, sporting activities and high end class course work may be a sign of trying to prove to yourself and others that you are good enough. Trying to keep it all together to prove to our else and others that everything is good, can be so difficult and stressful on us that without even noticing things continue to get worse for us.

Avoidance many times leads to seclusion, with your own negative thoughts, that can lead to feeling hopeless and depressed. Feelings like this may lead to the highest level of non-coping, escape. We will talk about the dangers of that in our next article.

When avoidance and distraction reaches its highest level, it...

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 09:04:55 -0400

When avoidance and distraction reaches its highest level, it becomes ESCAPISM! That’s when the stripes really come unraveled. :(

Coping with Stress: Escapism As Coping Tool

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 08:58:00 -0400

When you have reached the limits of your abilities to cope with stress in your life, you may still be embarrassed, scared or so overwhelmed that you start taking part in escapist behaviors to try and feel better. For teens this may be skipping school, running away from home. For both adults and teens there may be a turning to drugs and alcohol, lying to people to avoid responsibility and it can get so bad that some feel so hopeless, that they may take to hurting themselves physically or even having suicidal ideation.

Obviously any and all of these behaviors can bring on even more problems that can last a lifetime. Short term techniques to try to deal with stress are never as helpful as learning how to really deal with the issues or problems that are making us feel so overwhelmed. We will continue to talk about stress among children and teens in upcoming articles, but if you are a teen or child, just know that talking to an adult that you trust is a great first step and one that you should take for your own well being. If you are an adult being aware that our children, even the ones that seem to have it all together, may be feeling the pressures of their schedule or workload along with all the social pressures that teens have.

Being able to listen without judging, and knowing that you do not have to have all the answers is key to gaining the confidence of the child or teen. Recognizing the signs of stress and coping skills that they may be using can help us to get a head start on avoiding larger problems in the future.

When we feel like we just cannot move because of all that we...

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 08:56:16 -0400

When we feel like we just cannot move because of all that we have to do - that is when we need to move the most!

Reduce Stress: Do Something Physical Part 1

bullyprevention — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 08:54:25 -0400

Without getting all scientific on you, there are many reasons that physical activity is great when you are feeling stressed. First when you are stressed out your body produces cortisol and that can make you feel even more nervous and anxious, even to the point of feeling sick. Getting active will use up some of that cortisol and that will help to reduce the nervous feelings.

Just as important the physical activity also produces a chemical – endorphins – that help you feel good! They improve your mood and help you slow down, as well as when you are tired you can sleep better. All of us know of the physical health benefits of exercise, but the mental health benefits are great too.

What is your favorite thing to do? Is it walking, dancing, martial arts, skateboarding, basketball, frisbee??? Any activity can be good and if you make it a habit to get some activity that you enjoy in everyday you will find your stress levels being reduced. But when we sit around or are dormant, or only worry about what we ‘have to do’, then our stress levels will go up.

One warning; Do not let physical activity become a distraction to the point of being an escapism method. Physical activity and especially sports and teams can become overwhelming if we are over achievers and only add more stress to our lives, if we are trying to fit too much in to our schedules. Finding the balance of some physical activity everyday while continuing to work on the root causes of our stress is the best.

In this book Savor, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and Harvard...

bullyprevention — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 18:05:00 -0400

In this book Savor, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh and Harvard nutritionist Dr. Cheung will guide you through the practice of uniting your body and mind in the present, in order that you may achieve your health and spiritual goals.

Reduce Stress: Foods That Increase Stress Part 2

bullyprevention — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:54:30 -0400

We have all heard that ‘you are what you eat’. While we don’t eat stress, what we do eat can stress the cells in our body and brain, and they do know the difference between what is good for them and what is really just filler material – that most of the time is easier to get and can taste good. If we do not give our bodies what it needs you cannot be at your best, physically or mentally.

First lets talk about healthy food that reduces stress. Our bodies are made up of 70% water yet most people only eat between 5 and 15 percent of water based foods in their diet. Immediately that causes a deficit of the most valuable part of the makeup of your diet. The water you get from drinking water and in fruits and vegetables actually allows you to think better, as the cell connections in your brain are aided by water. Eating foods that are water based, fruits and vegetables as the majority of your diet is the best.

However putting good food in is only one part of the system. Reducing or eliminating the bad things we put in our bodies is also an important step. Here are two of the biggest culprits in our diet that are not healthy choices and will increase the affects of our stress.

Caffeine: hidden in more foods than you can imagine, can make you feel good short term, but can also increase sleeplessness and panic attacks.

Sugar: Looks good, tastes great and is added to more prepared foods than you can imagine, will give you a quick high and then a big let down. The up and down effect can leave you wiped out.

In our busy lives though, eating correctly is one of the toughest choices we have to make. Doing so though will make us feel better physically, mentally and just as important, we will know that we are doing the right thing!

To do nothing is very hard and yet so simple. Allowing our...

bullyprevention — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:50:11 -0400

To do nothing is very hard and yet so simple. Allowing our mind, body and spirit to have a break allows it time to recuperate and be ready for the next activity.

Reduce Stress: Learning to Relax Part 3

bullyprevention — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 17:48:00 -0400

I have a t-shirt that I bought in one of the islands in the Caribbean that says, “It is good to do nothing and then to rest”. Just as it is important for us to have good time management skills and to work hard, it is also just as necessary to practice calming our mind and being still. For many it is very hard just to be still, to not be doing anything, to just relax. Relaxation is about being still physically while being alert mentally. Knowing how to ‘relax’ is one way of allowing your body and mind to rest, a very deep rest, which in turn allows you to build the energy you need for the rest of your activities.

Imagine I ask you to hold yourself up on a chin up bar and hold it as tight and long as you possibly can. In a very short period of time you start to get tired and it becomes more difficult. Soon your muscles are aching and there seems to be no power in your hands or arm to continue to hold. Finally it becomes impossible – you let go and you feel great relief. If we did the same experiment and I asked you to hold yourself up on a chin up bar for 10 seconds and then you got a short break and then held yourself for 10 seconds with a break – you would be able to continue that routine for a much longer time, and the reason is you allowed yourself to relax your muscles.

If we never take the time to calm our mind and body, fatigue can set in quickly and everyday activities will seem harder for us and soon we simply do not have the energy to do even the simple things. This kind of relaxing is not the same as watching TV, napping, chatting online or even taking a walk. It can be accomplished in these ways though.

*Focused breathing: this is an exercise in you being in control of your breathing and learning to slow it down when you are stressed or anxious about something. *Progressive muscle relaxation: This is a process of both visualizing your muscles and progressively tensing and relaxing them individually. When you are done your body will feel very heavy and calm and your breathing will be slowed.
*Sitting with natural breathing: in this exercise you do not control your breathing, simply sit very still and find your natural breath. Use simple counting, ‘one’ for each breath, until you get to 10 and then start over.

Each of these exercises require practice, but once you learn how to use them and have a routine of practice, whenever you are feeling overwhelmed with stress, you will be able to go back to them and find a calm place. While none of these practices will eliminate stress from your life, they will help you find a calm spot in your self, that if practiced daily help you to deal with what may otherwise seem like the impossible.